How To Give Your Wife The Perfect Night Out.

My wife is a beautiful, kind, caring, and giving woman.  I mean, I am not exactly sure what I did to deserve her, but let’s just say when I realized she was way out of my league, I went and put a ring on it. Thanks for the advice Beyonce.

I wanted to share some tips and tricks with all the men on how to give your special someone a perfect night out with their friends without the kids.

The first bit of advice I have is for you to realize that giving that special someone a perfect night out is all about perception. Just as in magic, it is all about perspective and the perception you create.

Tip Number 1:  Send updates throughout the night. Maybe a vague text talking about how great your kids are doing and how much fun you are all having. Rookie Mistake: Don’t take this too far saying that you wish you could do this every weekend, because when you use phrases like that you start to set off alarms for your significant other and they can sense that something is up.

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Tip Number 2:  Send picture / video evidence of only the positive things. Just like Facebook and Instagram, don’t post the poo. Post only the good stuff.

Post pictures like this:

 

Not This:

 

Tip Number 3:  Don’t let a text from your significant other go too long without being answered, that can cause worry. Rookie Mistake: Don’t answer the text too fast either. What if they text and you are in the middle of dealing with a crying baby? Please, don’t be a dum dum and answer right away.  Wait until the baby stops crying to text, and then tell her how your baby isn’t crying and you all are having fun. (Review Tip Number 1)

 

Tip Number 4:  Make sure you don’t check in too often, that shows weakness, that the kids are breaking you, and you are counting down the seconds till she gets home. Even if this is the reality, hold out soldier, because just as we learned in one of those batman movies, the night is always darkest before the dawn.

Tip Number 5: Show evidence that the kids are still alive and being put to bed. Yep, this one is pretty self explanatory.

Tip Number 6:  For the love of all the things good and holy, make sure you clean up the house. I am talking no toys everywhere, counters wiped off, food put away, human waste put in the trash.  Make sure the place looks better than when she left. This is perhaps the most important tip, please don’t forget it.

So… there you have it. Six tips, with a couple of rookie mistakes to avoid, on how to give your lovely significant other a fantastic, worry free night out with her friends without the kids.

Enjoy the magic.

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